Ponte Slim Straight Jacquard Pants

Listen, I’m not one to write reviews. However, as a girl’s girl, I have to do a public service to my fellow ladies. This review is specific to the ‘mini collier’ color. These fit comfortably and do what spanx pants are supposed to do. Maybe they’re a smidge long to be called ankle pants for those of average height, but I still think the length is nice, especially with heels. The problem, however, is this color. The checked/houndstooth pattern was clearly designed without testing it on a real woman. Or at least a woman with any level of curves. Let me tell you — the way the pattern and seaming works in the crotch area is DIABOLICAL. If you want some Georgia O’Keefe level artistry to the pattern in that area, or you choose to walk with your legs angled out like a career sailor our cowboy so the lines don’t…converge, these are the pants for you. If, however, you would prefer to NOT highlight the shape of what’s hidden beneath in an almost obscene way with the lines curving a near exact replica of female anatomy, stick with solid colors. You’ve been warned, girly pops!